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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24335830">You Need A Lifeline</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/HunterByDayWhovianByNight/pseuds/HunterByDayWhovianByNight'>HunterByDayWhovianByNight</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Space Between Us [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(mentioned) - Freeform, Anakin Skywalker-centric, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon-Typical Violence, Clone Wars, Gen, Heavy Angst, Injury Recovery, Major Character Injury, Master &amp; Padawan Relationship(s), Mortis (Star Wars), Protective Anakin Skywalker</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 06:48:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,415</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24335830</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/HunterByDayWhovianByNight/pseuds/HunterByDayWhovianByNight</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“I got you to look after me, and you got me to look after you, and that's why.” ―John Steinbeck</p><p>Anakin wouldn't know what to do with himself if he lost Ahsoka.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Anakin Skywalker &amp; Ahsoka Tano, Obi-Wan Kenobi &amp; Anakin Skywalker</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Space Between Us [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1756915</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>153</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Part One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello all! This is the second installment in my exploration of Anakin and Ahsoka's relationship, this time with a focus on Anakin's thoughts and feelings. This IS part of a series, so I would suggest reading the first installment, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24301912/chapters/58581772%E2%80%9D%20rel=">When I Should Just Walk Away, It Grips Me</a> before this. This whole fic has been (lovingly) beta'd by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/BatmanWhoLaughss/pseuds/BatmanWhoLaughss">BatmanWhoLaughss.</a> Title is from "Street Fight" by Smallpools. </p><p>~Hunter</p><p>P.S.: There is listening material to accompany the reading material! My Anakin + Ahsoka playlist can be found <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6QSSjUjbqRHqDkGQgkhUTA?si=x98YXdYfTkm7O8uhYWtlnw">here!</a></p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Anakin ran to the ship at full speed, not wanting to fall behind and miss the last transport back up to the cruiser. He occasionally turned around to deflect blaster shots, but focused his energy and thoughts towards getting off the battlefield as quickly as possible. He was so caught up in the blaster fire, the clones urging him to run faster and get on the transport, and the blood pounding in his ears that he forgot Ahsoka was behind him.</p><p>That was, at least, until he felt a shooting pain go through his shoulder and then, quickly after, his gut. <em> Ahsoka. </em> He turned around, lightsaber brandished and open, and caught sight of Ahsoka on the ground, struggling to keep herself up and holding onto her stomach in pain. He felt a chill go straight through him and froze. He heard the shouts behind him from the carrier: <em> hurry </em> and <em> come on, General </em> and <em> why are you stopping, </em> but he couldn’t bear to leave his Padawan behind. He didn’t want to think about what the droids would do to her body, if the Separatists would use it to send a message.</p><p>The most persistent, present thought that came to mind was Mortis. Mortis, when he was so certain that he had lost Ahsoka. His body felt cold and empty when she had died. He sensed her slipping out of the Force, slipping from their bond. He couldn’t leave her behind again. </p><p>“Get a stretcher ready! I’m going back for Commander Tano!” </p><p>Anakin took a deep breath and ran. He ran back to Ahsoka’s fallen body, all the while deflecting blaster bolts and sensing her pain. It radiated throughout his whole upper body and increased the closer he got to her; it was nearly enough to make him fall over. He heard her cry out in pain and pushed his legs to run faster.</p><p>He sat by Ahsoka’s body and turned her over so that he could see her face. “Ahsoka, please, please, don’t die on me.” She grimaced in pain, clutching her stomach tightly as she was moved. He put two fingers to her neck, checking her pulse. Her heart was slowing down.</p><p>“Master?” Ahsoka slurred, the pain and the shock clearly getting to her mind. She tried to open her eyes, but failed. Her breaths were becoming shallow, labored; there was no time for questions. “Wh-where’s my other saber?” Anakin noticed that she only had one lightsaber in her hand, but in her state, he didn’t have the luxury to look for it. It was either Ahsoka or the saber. </p><p>“No time, we have to get you to medical,” Anakin said as he gathered Ahsoka into his arms. She groaned in pain as Anakin stood up. “You’ll be okay, you’ll be okay,” he murmured to her as he ran back to the transport. Ahsoka wasn’t too heavy, but battle fatigue had set in long ago and his legs were screaming in pain and burning. The adrenaline coursed through his veins as he ran, holding his Padawan close to his chest and shielding her from the approaching blaster fire behind them. </p><p>It seemed like an eternity by the time he reached the transport and was hustled on. He had barely stepped inside the cabin when the doors slammed shut and the ship took off. Anakin gently laid Ahsoka onto the waiting stretcher as the clones formed a circle around them. A medical scanner was placed in his hands and he ran the device over her upper body, checking her vitals. A blaster shot had gone through Ahsoka’s left shoulder and left hip. “I need a bacta pen!” Anakin cried out as he checked her pulse again. She was fading and he could sense it. The scanner showed that her vitals were slipping; the blaster had barely missed a kidney.</p><p>A bacta pen was thrust into his hand and he set to work patching her up. Ahsoka kept slurring her words and not making sense, taking shallow breaths, and twisting uncomfortably in pain. “I feel cold…” Ahsoka said, grasping Anakin’s robes in her fist. Anakin looked into her half-opened eyes and saw their hollowness. He sensed her fear and worry. </p><p>“Hang in there, Snips, you can make it.” Ahsoka nodded weakly and let her cheek lean against the stretcher. It was painful to see her in such a state. Anakin wanted to cry, but fought back his tears; he had to be strong not just because he was her Master and she was his Padawan, but because she meant the world to him. After Mortis, he knew that. Anakin closed his eyes and placed a gentle hand on her forehead, sending a soothing wave of the Force through her. He squeezed his eyes even tighter and tried to focus on their bond; it was there still, thank the stars, but it pulsed just as weakly as her heart. He sat back, feeling defeated. He had done all he could.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Part Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Anakin and Obi-Wan talk when he gets back to the cruiser, and it reawakens his memories of Mortis.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey all! It is thyme for the second chapter of this fic, which is admittedly much more angsty than the first. I hope I've managed to capture Anakin and Obi-Wan pretty well! This series is quickly becoming an excuse for me to be  write angst and Dad Obi-Wan Kenobi. Please enjoy!</p><p>~Hunter</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Ahsoka was whisked off to the medical bay the minute they landed on the cruiser. Everything happened so fast: the stretcher being lifted, an oxygen mask being pressed to Ahsoka’s face, an IV inserted into her arm. There was so much commotion and movement around him that it made Anakin feel disoriented and overwhelmed. He wanted to follow them, wanted to watch over her and make sure she was okay, but something held him back. In the pit of his stomach, a feeling of dread and fear lingered. A vision Ahsoka had shown him a few months ago, of him getting killed on the battlefield and being unable to save him, arose in his mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Is this how she felt? Is this how scared and anxious she was? Stars, I can’t believe this is happening to us again, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Anakin thought to himself. His mind kept showing him the events of Mortis, the feelings of dread and emptiness he felt when Ahsoka had died there and their bond was severed. He wouldn’t be able to meditate later knowing Ahsoka would be alone and swimming in a bacta tank. Ahsoka was out of sight by now and her Force signature, when he tried to find it, was dim. It made him want to throw up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anakin figured he must have looked like quite the sight, standing frozen in the middle of the hangar as ships and clones and droids bustled around him, because a very concerned-looking Obi-Wan was running up to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anakin! What’s happened, why are you standing there like that?” Obi-Wan asked, grabbing ahold of Anakin’s shoulder and shaking him out of his stupor. Anakin blinked, coming out of his haze and looked up into Obi-Wan’s worried eyes. He tried to swallow the growing lump in his throat, but found that his mouth was dry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ahsoka, she…” Anakin trailed off, unable to summon words. “She…” It was too hard. He hated himself for going ahead of her, for losing sight of her. It was </span>
  <em>
    <span>his </span>
  </em>
  <span>fault for her injuries. It was his fault that she got shot. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Twice</span>
  </em>
  <span>, the taunting voice in the back of his head provided. It was his fault that she was lying cold and barely-alive in the medbay. The fear he felt was making him lose his focus. The fact that this was the second time she was in danger like this hung over his head like a heavy cloud.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anakin, is Ahsoka hurt?” Obi-Wan asked more urgently, trying to get an answer out of him. Anakin screwed his eyes shut and nodded. He felt so ashamed for everything that happened today. Obi-Wan’s worry leaked through his shields; Anakin sensed that he worried more for </span>
  <em>
    <span>him </span>
  </em>
  <span>than Ahsoka.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed and looked back at Obi-Wan. “Obi-Wan, it’s all my fault. I was only thinking about myself out there, I didn’t even notice that she wasn’t with me, I’m--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s going to be alright,” Obi-Wan said assuringly, leading him away from the hangar and towards the medbay. It felt strange to move when his mind was so transfixed on Ahsoka’s well-being. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What if it’s not? What if she’s going to die again and it’s all my fault?” He knew it was wrong, dangerous, even, to have such overwhelming fear ruling his mind. He was vulnerable, his shields down and his mind completely open. He felt Obi-Wan enter his mind and try to talk him down, alleviate his fear and guilt, but it seemed useless. Anakin couldn’t stop the swell of emotions churning through him. He thought of the time she asked if he ever missed her when they were separated. How simple their worries were then. If only she could see how much he missed her now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you’re worried about her, but now is not the time to dwell,” Obi-Wan said with concern. “Your emotions are overwhelming you and you’re allowing them to govern your whole sense of self. It’s not safe to react like this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“After what happened on Mortis, I don’t think I can handle losing Ahsoka again,” Anakin interrupted him. He felt the memory of that chaotic time on Mortis similarly rise to the front of Obi-Wan’s mind. Anakin shook his head, trying to bury the memory and reign in some of his emotions. “Everything felt so cold when she died. I felt so... empty, and lost.” Anakin gulped and pressed his fingers to his temple in an attempt to release the mounting pressure in his head. “Is this how it felt when Master Jinn died?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Obi-Wan sighed, considering Anakin’s weighty question. “It was hard. I struggled for a while, but I knew he wouldn’t want me to be weighed down in grief. He wanted me to teach you.” Anakin weakly smiled, thinking about how strong Master Jinn was with the Force and how natural it felt to exist around him. “And I’m sure Ahsoka wouldn’t want you to be feeling like this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anakin knew deep down that Obi-Wan was right. He needed to be strong for her (</span>
  <em>
    <span>and himself</span>
  </em>
  <span>) and handle this the way a Jedi Master should; it was the only way. He didn’t need to hear Obi-Wan say that fear and self-hatred would lead to the Dark side of the Force. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. I don’t know why I’m allowing this to affect me so much,” Anakin said begrudgingly as the recognizable scent of disinfectant and sterility filled his nose. They were in the medbay now. He reached out for Ahsoka’s Force signature, trying to find it among the hustle and bustle of the wing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You care about her. It’s a natural feeling to care deeply about the individuals we’re close to.” Obi-Wan nudged Anakin’s shoulder so that they’d make eye contact again. Obi-Wan had his all-too-familiar look of affection and care plastered across his face. “I told Ahsoka this as well: it’s more important to know how to let go, if that’s what it comes to, than avoiding the attachments point-blank. You’re her Master and she’s your Padawan. It’s natural for you to worry about her well-being.” They stopped in front of an open door, one where Anakin could feel Ahsoka’s Force signature a little stronger than he had before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anakin, she will make it. She will. Trust me. Trust in the Force if you don’t want to listen to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anakin prayed that Ahsoka wouldn’t die. He didn’t want to imagine what it would be like. He held Obi-Wan’s gaze and gathered up the fabric of his robes in his fist, trying to keep his more manic emotions under control. He took a deep breath. “I had my second chance with Ahsoka. People don’t get third chances.” He paused. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>I </span>
  </em>
  <span>don’t get third chances.” Anakin left Obi-Wan without another word and entered the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ahsoka was floating in a bacta tank, eyes closed and a breathing mask on her face. He rushed to the tank and put his hand on the transparisteel. He wanted to hold her hand, squeeze it, and tell her she was going to be okay. A glance at the datapad showed him that she was still alive and hanging on to life. For that, he was thankful. Anakin pressed his forehead to the tank, feeling despair take him over. He prayed this war wouldn’t take her life; if he lost her, this war would feel never-ending. He looked up at her floating body; she looked at peace. He closed his eyes and reached out to her through their bond.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Snips, you can survive this. I’m here, and I’ll be here until you’re back with all of us again. I swear it.</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Part Three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Anakin has an objectively rough night as he stays vigil for Ahsoka.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is a really long, really angsty chapter. I've rewritten this chapter a couple different ways, but this one was the best. Please enjoy!</p><p>~Hunter</p><p>P.S.: There is listening material to accompany the reading material! My Anakin + Ahsoka playlist can be found <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6QSSjUjbqRHqDkGQgkhUTA?si=x98YXdYfTkm7O8uhYWtlnw">here!</a></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Anakin didn’t leave Ahsoka’s side (well, the bacta tank’s side, but that’s a moot point) the entire night. Sleep and meditation weren’t an option; Anakin was far too distracted to focus on anything but Ahsoka’s well-being. She could wake up from her comatose state anytime and didn’t want her to be alone. He’d woken up alone in a bacta tank before with nobody keeping vigil over him save a lonely med-droid. It was lonely and disheartening to say the least and he wanted Ahsoka to have better than that. He parked himself in a chair and settled in for a long night (and perhaps the days and nights ahead).</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Obi-Wan came by the medbay in the middle of the evening with a steaming mug of caf in his hands.</span>
  <em>
    <span> I wonder if that’s for me,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Anakin thought to himself as Obi-Wan approached his chair. Anakin, however, was wrong. Obi-Wan was here with the offer of switching places. “I’ll stay with Ahsoka for the night. You should go get rest.” Anakin rolled his eyes at Obi-Wan and brushed him off with a wave of his hand. “Staying up all night isn’t going to help her heal any faster, Anakin. You know that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All I know is that I’m not leaving her. I’m her Master, I should be there for her.” Anakin yawned and rubbed at his eyes. Obi-Wan’s offer to trade places was tempting, what with the promise of sleep, but Anakin knew he had to be present for her. He settled back into his chair to indicate that he was going to be hunkered down for the night and looked back to the tank with a solemn gaze. “I should’ve been there for her to begin with.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You need to forgive yourself for this, Anakin.” Obi-Wan said it scoldingly, but Anakin sensed that he was trying to be more paternal than condemning. He remembered this tone from when he was a youngling and knew this would turn into a lecture on the dangers of attachment or about focusing his emotions on something more productive than sulking. “The Force is with her. Trust in the Force and allow yourself some time to heal. You’ve been through a trauma, too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was still. My. Fault.” Anakin spat out each word, feeling guilt swell up in his chest. He glared at Obi-Wan, trying to make him understand how he felt. He didn’t realize until he tried to exhale through his nose to calm himself down that he realized he was gripping the arm of the chair and the corner of his robes in tight fists. He untensed and released his hold, not wanting to become so angry that he would lash out in the (decently populated) medbay and towards his old Master. “Why can’t you understand that I feel guilty for leaving her behind? I’ve been charged with keeping her safe, teaching her the ways of the Jedi, but… but it seems that I haven’t done a very good job at that. Look at the state she’s in and tell me I haven’t failed her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Obi-Wan pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. Anakin could feel the frustration emanating from Obi-Wan’s mind and filling the room. “I understand that you feel guilty, but you need to let it go. The anxiety and fear you’re feeling right now is not beneficial for either of you.” Obi-Wan took another step closer to him and lowered his voice so that only Anakin would hear him. They were beginning to attract some eyes and ears. “I can sense your judgement becoming clouded and I… I fear what will happen if you don’t meditate on this and find some peace.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anakin stood up in total shock, his quick movement forcing the chair to skid a couple inches behind him. “How am I supposed to meditate when my Padawan is floating in a bacta tank? How do I trust the Force when the </span>
  <em>
    <span>child </span>
  </em>
  <span>I’ve been entrusted with was shot on </span>
  <em>
    <span>my </span>
  </em>
  <span>watch?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two men stared at each other in total silence, both unable to speak. Anakin sensed Obi-Wan’s conflict over what he just said and could practically hear him turning the words over in his mind. The Force around them felt heavy and uncomfortable, with the bond Obi-Wan and Anakin shared pulsing nervously. It fizzled with uncertainty and made Anakin feel more than a little anxious. This wasn’t the first time they’d had this conversation (</span>
  <em>
    <span>argument, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Anakin’s subconscious said, correcting his consciousness) but Anakin had never been so defensive about it before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well…” Obi-Wan sighed again, running a hand through his hair and exhaling in a tone that Anakin could only know as defeat, “I take it you’ll be here all night, then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As long as I need to be, Master.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The cup of caf, the one Anakin assumed Obi-Wan was going to drink as he sat watch, was placed into his hands. It felt like a peace offering, that much Anakin could discern from Obi-Wan’s body language. Anakin peered inquisitively at Obi-Wan, trying to read him. He was surprised that Obi-Wan would acquiesce to his judgement this time, considering how their words had turned into a spat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll be needing that caf, trust me. And if you decide you need sleep tonight, I’m a call away.” Anakin nodded solemnly, sending his appreciation for the offer to Obi-Wan’s mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Master.” Obi-Wan gave him a short nod and walked away, accepting the appreciation and sending him thanks in return. Despite their unspoken apology, the Force still felt strange when Anakin left the room. It was unlike Obi-Wan to leave a conflict (even a minor disagreement like this one) unresolved. Anakin regretted speaking harshly to him, that much he was certain of in his mind, but he didn’t regret speaking his truth to Obi-Wan. He sat back down in his chair and took a sip of caf. He mulled over the words he’d shared with Obi-Wan as he drank the caf, feeling his heart sink a little. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anakin knew Obi-Wan was right. The Jedi line was that attachments were forbidden and that fear led to the dark side of the Force. He couldn’t shake the feeling that it was wrong to detach in his Padawan’s hour of need. He wanted to be a good Jedi and a good Master, but didn’t want to compromise what he knew in his heart to be right. Being there for his Padawan was the most important thing he could do as a Master, and to Anakin that meant staying up all night with her while she healed up in the bacta tank.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As the night wore on, the bacta tank hummed and the heart monitor beeped steadily, lulling Anakin into a pseudo-meditative state. The mug of caf was long gone and it was well past midnight. In the corner of his robes, Anakin spotted a small hole. He worked his pointer finger into the hole and fiddled around with it, twisting his finger in it and feeling the rough fabric give way. The fabric was old and worn, prone to holes and snags when he was out in the field or rushing around a cruiser; he wondered where this one came from. As he pondered the many places the hole could have originated, he thought of Ahsoka’s smiling face and the determination she had before the battle began. It was one of many missions they’d been paired up on as of late (the events that happened on Mortis were a contributing factor to their more recent assignments together) and she was excited to be back in the field, especially with him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a sharp jerk of his finger, Anakin ripped the fabric. His heart sank as he mentally compared the Ahsoka from before the battle with the one floating in bacta beside him now. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You’ve failed her, </span>
  </em>
  <span>the dark subconscious of his mind said. </span>
  <em>
    <span>If only you’d been more aware. If only you’d actually checked up on her. If only you’d called out her name and told her to run faster. If only you hadn’t frozen and hesitated. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Anakin furrowed his brow in frustration and shook his head. Those thoughts, even though they felt true, weren’t going to get him anywhere like Obi-Wan said. A single, betraying </span>
  <em>
    <span>do you even care about her? </span>
  </em>
  <span>arose in Anakin’s mind. He didn’t want to acknowledge it at all, knowing that  it wasn’t true; he </span>
  <em>
    <span>did </span>
  </em>
  <span>care about her, maybe a little too much sometimes. He rejected the thought and pushed it out of his mind entirely, not wanting to entertain it any further.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A flood of memories arose in Anakin’s mind from their adventures. Some of them were happy and carefree: talking late at night in their rooms at the Temple about philosophy, history, and the latest holofilms; racing their speeders through the topside of Coruscant and exchanging witty jabs at each other as the sun set over the planet-city; their tearful reunion after the second battle of Geonosis. He smiled at the memories, recalling their bantering and light-hearted battle talk. He always looked forward to their reunions at the end of battles and long, separate assignments. He would pick her brain and ask her how she was feeling. They would meditate and run through the forms together. It was nice, and made him feel like a real Master. This reunion would be no different than the others, that much he was certain of. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The happy memories, though, were tinged with less merry feelings and harsh realities. There was a war raging around them that could take either of their lives at a moment’s notice. The war created a less-than-ideal situation for their relationship as a Master and Padawan, one that Anakin knew Ahsoka felt isolated in when they were apart for long periods of time. Ahsoka’s infection with the Blue Shadow had been terrifying and nerve-wracking. The second battle on Geonosis nearly resulted in her sacrificing her life to destroy the main reactor. And, of course, there were the countless little moments where Anakin had to hold his breath and pray that Ahsoka didn’t do something a little too reckless in the heat of battle. Those moments made him feel for Obi-Wan; he’d been just like Ahsoka when he was a young Padawan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But none of those moments held a torch to the pain Anakin felt when Ahsoka died on Mortis. It had only been for minutes, but it was enough to chill him to the core. Mortis still felt like a hazy fever-dream to him, like an out-of-body experience. Even though he, Ahsoka, and Obi-Wan had only been to Mortis a few standard months ago, Anakin felt the events of those strange days slipping from his memory. Seeing Master Jinn, meeting the Father, nearly having to choose between Obi-Wan and Ahsoka, Ahsoka turning to the dark side of the Force… he still couldn’t firmly grasp what happened. He remembered the feelings the most accurately: the immense power but also the immense loss. To know what it felt like to be without the other half of his Force bond had made him feel hollow, empty, lost. It had been their closest of calls, closer than this one. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>At some point in the night, Anakin looked up at Ahsoka’s floating body, surrounded by bacta and breathing supports and bubbles, and considered her semi-fetal position. It made her look so much younger and more vulnerable than she actually was. In contrast to the large, looming tank, her body was small; she barely looked her age. She shouldn’t be healing in a bacta tank from blaster wounds she earned on the battlefield or training to become a military officer. No. She should be running up and down the halls of the Temple or studying with her friends in the library. He felt for her. She was a child being thrust into a galaxy ruled not by peace but by war and violence. This was not the life she could have expected to have, nor the Jedi experience that was considered normal.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Normal. Hah,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Anakin thought to himself. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Isn’t that what Ahsoka wanted things to be like for us? </span>
  </em>
  <span>He looked up at her pensively and felt his stomach twist at the thought of Ahsoka not making it through the end of the war. Ever since she told him that she wished things could become normal for the two of them one day he’d prayed that they both make it. He still hoped, and maybe even foolishly hoped, that one day it’d be normal for them. But Ahoska’s death haunted him, and the possibility of himself dying, which would leave Ahsoka alone in the midst of a seemingly unending war, made him afraid. His thoughts returned to Mortis; he’d become much more protective of her after that because of how he nearly lost her, but this slip-up was beginning to complicate things. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This was an attachment. He knew that, the Council knew that, and Ahsoka knew that. But regardless of whether or not he was attached to her, Anakin would have still felt guilty if Ahsoka died on his watch. Anakin looked back up at the bacta tank and placed his hand on the transparisteel. He closed his eyes, tapped into their bond, and reached into Ahsoka’s mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ahsoka? I know that part of you is still in there somewhere, and if it’s the part of you that can hear me… it’s Anakin. I wanted to tell you to not be afraid. I won’t lose you. I’ve been here all night waiting for you. It doesn’t matter how long it takes. I’ll be here. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Anakin was uncertain of what he wanted to say next, but then he remembered how he told Ahsoka to be open and honest with him about her feelings. Just because he was her Master didn’t mean he was exempt from doing the same. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I miss you</span>
  </em>
  <span>, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Snips. I miss you and I don’t want to lose you. I lost you on Mortis… I can’t lose you again. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Anakin thought back to what Obi-Wan told him to do earlier and let himself be engulfed by the Force. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m willing to trust the Force if you are too, Ahsoka. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Slowly, Anakin opened his eyes and slipped out of Ahsoka’s mind. He took a deep breath and settled back into his chair, trying to relax his frantic mind. The only thing he could do now was wait; he wouldn’t dare leave this room until she was awake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The early morning hours turned into mid-morning. Anakin had long fallen asleep to the steady sound of the heart monitor beeping and the </span>
  <em>
    <span>hummm </span>
  </em>
  <span>of the bacta tank. That was, at least, until Anakin was woken up with a start.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hey there, Skyguy.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Anakin jolted awake, his heart racing with anticipation. He rubbed his eyes and stood up from his chair all at once, mentally cursing himself for falling asleep. He heard the bacta bubbling in the tank, indicating that Ahsoka was awake and moving again. When he fully opened his eyes, he saw that Ahsoka was laughing at him through her breathing mask. Anakin couldn’t help but light up and smile when he saw that Ahsoka was awake and her vitals were reading normal. He put his hand on the tank, which Ahsoka mirrored from inside of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s nice to have you back, Snips,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Anakin said with the same smile plastered on his face. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I really thought I was going to lose you back there.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Well I’m here now. Safe and sound, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Ahsoka replied. Her half-lidded eyes revealed how exhausted she was, but Anakin noticed their distinct twinkle of life slowly returning. </span>
  <em>
    <span>All thanks to you, Master. Thank you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What else am I here for if not to keep you out of trouble? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Ahsoka chuckled at that, making the bubbles dance throughout the tank. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You’ve got me there. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Anakin and Ahsoka shared a brief moment of silence, allowing their bond to pulse with life once again, with their hands still pressed against the transparisteel. Anakin found that he had to look up into Ahsoka’s eyes since she was floating above his eyeline. Having to tilt his head up to make eye contact felt different and hurt his sleep-sore neck, but he was so happy to have Ahsoka back that he ignored the strain. Anakin felt Ahsoka’s gratitude and happiness acutely through their bond, filling him with warmth. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Now get a med-droid so I can get out of here. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Thirty minutes, two showers, and a much-needed meal later, Ahsoka was out of the bacta tank and sitting across from Anakin in the mess hall, picking at a fried egg. Her eyes were still tired and she was wrapped up in an oversized jacket to keep warm, but she was definitely present. It was like any other morning after a long day or night of fighting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ahsoka laid her fork down and looked up at Anakin. “Thank you, Master. For coming back to get me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why wouldn’t I? I wasn’t about to let you get left for dead, Snips.” Anakin placed a conciliatory hand over hers and gave it a squeeze. Ahsoka turned her hand over so that they were holding hands and gave him a squeeze back. “I’ll always keep fighting to make sure you’re safe.” Ahsoka gave him a small smile; he could feel her becoming more content.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I heard you when I was in there, you know,” Ahsoka said. Her voice wasn’t shy or timid when she said it, but it was quiet. Thoughtful. Anakin could sense that saying this was important to her, and that his presence all night was valued. “I felt you in the Force and I heard your voice… it felt so comforting to know you were there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Trust me, I didn’t leave your side the whole night.” That made Ahsoka chuckle under her breath. She pulled her hand back and laced her fingers under her chin, eager to hear the rest of his story. “Obi-Wan tried to come and relieve me in the middle of the night, but it just didn’t feel right to leave. Not when I left you like that back on the battlefield.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Master, it’s okay. I made it out safe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But what if you hadn’t?” Anakin asked, his tone suddenly becoming more distraught. “It would’ve...” Anakin stopped himself and lowered his voice. “It would’ve been my fault.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If Master Kenobi were here, he’d tell you not to think like that,” Ahsoka said with a dejected sigh. “I don’t want you thinking like that, either.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anakin massaged his temples, trying to quell the guilt he still felt. He needed to be strong for Ahsoka and keep his sanity. And besides, the fact that Ahsoka was sitting here and eating breakfast with him proved to him that all of his guilt and worry was entirely unfounded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re right on both counts,” Anakin confessed. “I can’t go around being a bad influence on you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’m certainly glad to have a Master like you,” Ahsoka said. It felt genuine and real; Ahsoka wasn’t one to beat around the bush with her feelings. Anakin gave her a smile and felt his heartstrings tug at her praise for him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I’m glad to have a Padawan like you,” Anakin replied with a raising of his cup, encouraging her to toast with him. Ahsoka huffed in amusement and rolled her eyes, but she lifted her own cup too, clinking it against the side of his. </span>
  <em>
    <span>That </span>
  </em>
  <span>was the Ahsoka he knew and loved, the one that made fun of his stupid jokes and was always by his side They weren’t normal by a long shot; the war and the threat of death surrounding them made sure of that. But the little moments like these, where they could sit in the mess hall and talk like real people (</span>
  <em>
    <span>like siblings, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Anakin’s subconscious supplied) made it feel like maybe, just maybe, they could be.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>me, in ya brain: kudos/comment on this fic<br/>you: but why<br/>me, in ya brain: you gotta</p><p>~Hunter</p></blockquote></div></div>
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